Ten Things...

...You Should Never Have to Hear in Church (Part 3)

The trilogy is now complete (check out Part 1 and Part 2). As always, these have all been inspired by actual church experiences.

10. Disclaimers from the Elder's Quorum president that the assigned teacher didn't show up today, but not to worry, he has been flipping through the lesson manual since the middle of Sunday School.

9. That old standby talk opener, "Webster's Dictionary defines (topic) as..."

8. BYU/Utah rivalry smack talk sessions. (I promise this isn't what the bishopric means when they ask if there is anything that needs to come before the body of the priesthood.)

7. Family introductions that include the unabridged play-by-play of their first date and ensuing 2 1/2 year courtship.

6. Sunday School suggestions that, in the spirit of the passover, families should eat raw potatoes for dinner as a way of remembering the pioneers.

5. Those unfortunate "Articles of Faith" primary songs.

4.The recounting of any teenage prank that involved running around in public wearing only a thong, and how it relates to the atonement.

3. Any point that can't be properly made without bringing up your vasectomy.

2. Teachers who can't in good conscience let class out on time when they still have a few more vital food storage tips to share.

1. Heartfelt testimonies regarding the truthfulness of home schooling.


Caitlinp said...

Unfortunately our primary is going to sing all 13 of the Articles of Faith songs for the sacrament program. I'm pretty sure they were not really meant for public performance.

Cheeseboy said...

I'm in agreement with all of them and their hilarity and sad truthfulness. I'm curious if you have actually had to endure ALL of these???

Krissy said...

It seems that in every ward there are certain people who just make me cringe every time they start talking.

Dave said...

How interesting that we both chose the word "unfortunate" when mentioning the Articles of Faith Songs.

Yes, as I stated in the intro, these are all inspired by actual church experiences (and this is the 3rd installment!).