Blankets for Haiti

Like a lot of people, I have been watching the news coverage of the aftermath of the Haiti earthquake and wishing that there was some way that I could help. Hearing the stories of the orphanages that were destroyed and of the little children living out of tents tugs at my heartstrings.

Then just this last week, I got an email from a sister in our ward who has been working on collecting supplies to send to Haiti. They were collecting children's clothing, blankets, and tents for the orphanages. I really felt like this was something I wanted to help with. So I gave myself a budget and went to Joann to shop for fabric. I only had one day to do as much as I could, so I opted to go with the fast and easy route of making fleece blankets. Fleece is great because it is warm and the edges don't fray, so you don't have to sew it.

One of the employees at Joann helped me find 12 fleece remnants that were big enough for blankets. Since they sell remnants for 50% off, I got 12 pieces for about $3.50 each. Then I settled in for a long day on the couch, cutting and tying blankets. If you've never made this type of blanket before, it is really easy. All you have to do is cut strips on each end of the blanket. The strips are about 1/2 inch wide and 2-3 inches deep. Then you tie each strip into a knot, which creates a nice fringe-effect.

With some help from my friend Tammy, I was able to get all 12 finished on Saturday... and put in about 6 hours work in all. By the end, my hands hurt so bad that I could barely tie the knots. Dave tried to help with the tying, but he quickly decided his fingers were not made for that kind of work. Instead, he spent a good portion of the day keeping Eddie away. Eddie was only happy if I was not holding any of the blankies. He would take them from me, then leave them on the floor and forget them until I took them back.

Since he liked them all so much, I let him pose with them for the photo:

And here is the stack, ready to deliver:

The blankets, along with the other items collected by the group, will be leaving for Haiti on Thursday.

Free C-3PO

When I was 16, I went through a brief phase of Star Wars collecting. I was convinced that buying and preserving these toys in their original packages was a wise investment. At the time, a popular joke in my family was that some day in the distant future, when I was married with kids, I would come home from work to make an awful discovery. My kids would have broken into the display case where my Star Wars collectibles were housed, and ripped them all out of their packages. This would then cause me to grimly state, "Well, there goes your college education."

As it turns out, this scenario was built on a few fundamental fallacies. One being that my eventual spouse and I would want to display these toys somewhere in our house. And another being that said collectibles would actually be valuable someday.

My bedroom wall, circa 1996. The term "nerd alert" springs to mind.

I find it interesting that a lot of people I associated with during this time of my life still think of me as this big toy collector. In all actuality the phase only lasted about a year, and was nearly half my life ago.

Two boxes of unopened toys now reside in the back of our closet (much to Kristen's chagrin). Recently, as Eddie was happily playing with an R2-D2 toy, the thought crossed my mind that he needed a companion C-3PO. Then something more profound dawned on me. There was already a mint condition C-3PO action figure in the closet!

Was I actually considering this? Maybe I had just watched Toy Story 2 a few too many times. To help make up my mind, I looked up C-3PO and several other figures from my collection on eBay. There were dozens of listings ranging from 99 cents to $10, and most had zero bids. My suspicions were confirmed. My toy collection is worth precisely squat.

That clinched it. I squeezed into the back of the closet, found the right box, and dug out C-3PO. As I handed the package over to Eddie he immediately said, "P-P-O! Out?" The significance of this moment was of course lost on him, but not on Kristen. As I tried to slip my fingernail between the plastic bubble and cardboard, she commented, "I never thought I'd see the day."

"P-P-O! Out?"

"Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy because I believed him." - Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story 2

Time to celebrate, C-3PO. Your "realistic metalized body" is free from its plastic prison.

So what will become of the rest of those Star Wars toys still in the closet? In a way they weren't such a bad investment after all. Now Eddie has birthday and Christmas presents for years to come.

Screening Process

Over the last few weeks, when I would fire up my computer at work, the monitor wouldn't turn on. However, a cure-all restart could usually get it to blink to life. But when I returned to work on Monday morning, I tried several restarts and still nothing. I explained to my boss that my monitor had died, and tried to hide the drool forming in the corners of my mouth as I told him I would need a shiny new Apple 24" LED Cinema Display to replace it.

He picked it up for me Monday afternoon and delivered it to my office Tuesday morning. I pulled it out of the box, tried to hook it up, and realized my computer didn't have the right video port. I called ExperCom and they explained I would need a Mini DisplayPort to DVI adapter. I hopped in my car, drove 20 minutes across the valley to the closest store, and obtained said adapter.

I drove back to my office, sliced open the package and... it was the wrong one. I actually needed the opposite, a DVI to Mini DisplayPort adapter. With what was left of my morning I hopped back in the car, drove back to ExperCom, made the exchange, and returned to my office once again.

I pulled the proper adapter out of its box, hooked everything up, and... the new monitor didn't turn on either. The wheels in my head finally started turning. I pulled out my laptop, plugged in the new monitor, and it sprung to glorious life. I had a sinking feeling as I cast a weary eye toward my old monitor. Soon I plugged it in to my laptop, and just as I suspected, it turned on with no problems.

After another conversation with ExperCom, this time I was loading my MacPro tower into the car to have the video card replaced. When I got back to the office for the third time, I regretfully packed that shiny new Apple 24" LED Cinema Display back in its box for imminent return.

As I rehearsed this story to my amused coworkers, I realized I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I had but tested the old monitor on the laptop in the first place. Since my computer is only a year and a half old and the monitor is five plus, I simply assumed it was an issue with the monitor. But then we all know what happens when you assume.

Falling Domino's

Recently I have noticed new commercials for Domino's Pizza. They are promoting that they have changed their pizza recipe from the ground up (and essentially admitting that their old pizza was crap). But they're so confident in their new and improved pizza that they have put a guarantee on the box offering to refund your money if you aren't satisfied.

Now, I have lofty standards for my pizza. But hey, if they've made these improvements, I'm willing to give them another try—especially if they are promising to give my money back if I'm not happy. Some Domino's coupons arrived in our mailbox yesterday to seal the deal.

Let's walk through Domino's so-called improvements. The crust? It's the same flavorless, spongy mass, only now it has been masked with a little garlic butter around the edges. Does the sauce taste different? A little. But is it an improvement? Hardly. The cheese? Now they're using 100% real mozzarella! Well, what the heck were they using before?

Normally I would just shrug off this disappointment, but I had a stressful day and felt like seeking a little retribution. I picked up my phone and redialed Domino's. A teenage employee answered, asking how she could help me. I explained I wasn't satisfied and wanted my money back. "What was that?" she replied. I politely repeated my request, calling her attention to the guarantee on the pizza box. "Can you please hold?" she asked.

So I waited, presumably for a manager. A minute went by. Then two. Then three. I got the message. I hung up the phone slightly amused, reminded of a scene in Tommy Boy. "Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to fell all warm and toasty inside. Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of crap. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time."

Giving Up the Ghost

April 2008-January 2010

Tad Ghostal died suddenly of unknown causes this past weekend. His parents, Dave and Kristen Barton, have admitted to cleaning his tank for the first time in several months just prior to his unexpected death.

Renown fish expert Dr. F. Nemo is speculating that this cleaning may have upset Tad's ecosystem—a carefully controlled mixture of tap water and scum-covered pebbles. Being plopped into a clean tank could have given the little fish's body such a jolt that he simply gave up the ghost.

Tad was not a particularly active fish, and his translucent body often inspired onlookers to ask, "Is there even a fish in there?" But comparatively speaking, he lived a long life, approaching an almost unheard of two years.

Tad is survived by his parents, Dave and Kristen, and his brother Eddie.

Catching Some Waves

Like many, I have been riveted by the late night talk show drama that is currently taking place on NBC. Not riveted enough to stay up past my 10 pm bedtime to actually watch any of the shows mind you, but at least enough to read the latest headlines and check out the YouTube clips of David Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel unloading both barrels on Jay Leno. But that's not what this post is about.

As I have been pondering Leno's "hallowed" career, I was reminded of a time before he hosted the Tonight Show—the late '80s and early '90s—when he was a spokesman for Doritos. Yes, the so-called "King of Late Night" honed his impeccable comedic timing hawking bright orange, MSG-laced tortilla chips. But that's not what this post is about either.

You see, those old Doritos commercials got me thinking about other prominent snack foods of the early '90s, such as the purest of all soft drinks, Crystal Pepsi. Soon I was pulling up its Wikipedia page and something I read jogged my memory:

In 1992 PepsiCo introduced Crystal Pepsi to test markets in Denver, Colorado; Sacramento, California; Dallas, Texas; and Providence, Rhode Island and had a positive response.

I actually remember when some friends from Colorado came to visit us in the summer of '92. When they told us how they had tried Crystal Pepsi, I was insanely jealous. A few months later, when I started the odyssey that is Junior High School, I was in for a few surprises. One being that I was now being forced to shower after gym class, but another was soda machines at school... and they were stocked with Crystal Pepsi!

That night I cracked open my Tootsie Roll bank in search of a few quarters. As the next school day ended I ran to the Pepsi machine so I could enjoy a ice cold can of crystal gold on the school bus ride home, but it was all sold out. I continued this pilgrimage for days (DAYS!) until it was finally restocked and my very own can came rolling out. I boarded the bus, pulled back the tab, and took my first swig. It tasted like... like... regular Pepsi.

Alas, the world wasn't ready for Crystal Pepsi. Or Crystal Gravy for that matter. But that's not really what this post is about either. So what the heck is it about? Oh, nothing really. Just another productive day surfing the web.

2010 Coming Attractions

2009 was a lousy year for movies, at least according to my specific tastes. The #1 movie of the year prominently featured the font Papyrus. Michael Bay continued to mock and mangle my childhood with his crappy Transformers franchise. And don't get me started on those sexy vampires and half naked Indian werewolves. 2010 looks much more promising. Because you are dying to know, here's a few films I have high hopes for:

Alice in Wonderland

Release Date: March 5
Tagline: You're invited to a very important date.

There are a few things you can always depend on when a new Tim Burton movie comes out. It will be visually stunning, with plenty of gnarled, swirly tree branches. And there will be some wild, new Johnny Depp character (in this case, the Mad Hatter). But Burton will also be exploring new territory in Alice in Wonderland, using a combination of live action and motion capture animation for the first time. Burton has never been a big special effects guy so I'm interested to see how he handles it. I'm also curious about the direction of the story, which isn't going to be a straight retelling of what has already been told countless times. It is actually being approached as more of a semi-sequel, taking place some years after Alice's original trip to Wonderland. Just as long as it's not another Hook.



The A-Team

Release Date: June 11
Tagline: There is no Plan B.

Here's yet another big screen adaption of a favorite childhood TV show that I am looking forward to against my better judgment, given the track record of similar properties (i.e The Dukes of Hazzard, Transformers, G.I. Joe). Surely Liam "Mentor" Neeson will lend some gravitas as Hannibal, the cigar-chomping leader of the A-Team. But if the movie doesn't feature countless rounds of ammunition being fired without anyone actually getting shot, or at least one scene where the bad guys roll their car half a dozen times only to climb out totally unscathed, I will be very disappointed. The first trailer does seem to have fully embraced the goofy spirit of the show. I have two words for you: Parachuting. Tank.



Inception

Release Date: July 16
Tagline: Your mind is the scene of the crime.

For months now, Christopher Nolan's follow-up to The Dark Knight has only been described as "a contemporary science fiction action thriller set within the architecture of the mind." Given the lack of details, many were speculating early on that Inception was actually Nolan's next Batman film. The trailers have been refreshingly vague, content to only hint at the overarching story while offering tantalizing glimpses of the mind-bending special effects. A recent feature in the L.A. Times further characterizes the film as part international thriller, part story of madness and lost love, and part metaphysical heist movie. Nolan also cites the globetrotting sensibility of the James Bond films—not just geographically, but within the dimensions of time and reality as well. Oh Christopher, you had me at metaphysical heist movie.

Ski School

One of my friends from our ward, Jane, has organized a blog for the ladies in the neighborhood and puts together a Girls' Night Out every month. She does a great job at getting people together and making everyone feel welcome. It has been a lot of fun. I have gone to one or two of the activities in the past.

Yesterday, we went skiing. You can ski for free at Alta from 3:00-4:30 PM every day, and you can rent all the equipment (skis, poles, and boots) for $10. I have never skied before, but have snowboarded. I was never very good at snowboarding because I am really afraid of hurting myself. I thought that for $10, I could try skiing just to see if I liked it.

We got up to Alta around 2:30 to rent our equipment, so we beat the rush and were able to get on the hill by 3:15 or so. There were six of us skiing, and two of us were complete beginners -- though I had a slight edge on Lally because I had at least been to a ski resort before and knew the basics of getting on and off the lift.

Michelle, Kjersten, Sidney, Jane, Me, Heather, Beka, and Lally

Then, up we went. We skipped the real bunny hill that has only a tow rope, but went for the next hardest hill. The lift ride takes 10-15 minutes so Michelle (who has only been a few times before) and I had plenty of time to get all psyched out about getting off the lift without killing ourselves. By the time we got to the top, we were both really scared, but managed to make it off the lift without too much trouble. The problem after that was that we were at the top of a mountain with very little idea how to get down without injury.

Luckily, Jane was there to help. She helped Michelle and I figure out the basic idea of how to turn and how to slow down. Lally was terrified, so she skied the run hanging onto Jane's waist. It probably took me 30 minutes to get down the hill, but I made it and only fell down about 3 times. Pretty good for a first run! I was amazed at how much easier skiing is than snowboarding. I didn't have to worry about catching my edges or getting stuck in the flat spots (those poles are lifesavers). We made it to the bottom and got right back on the lift for a second run. Luckily, we were just in time. We made it to the top just before they shut the lift down for the day, so we got two runs in. That was all my poor leg muscles could handle anyway.

After our second run, we gathered in the lodge to enjoy some hot chocolate and get to know each other better. It was a lot of fun and I can't wait to hang out with these ladies again. I am also working on convincing Dave that he needs to try skiing... so hopefully we'll be going again this winter.

Homemade Salsa

We got this recipe from my sister Christie a few years ago. We haven't bought premade salsa since. We typically have most (if not all) of the ingredients on hand so it is super easy to throw together. Plus, it has a great fresh taste.

• 14.5 oz can whole tomatoes
• 10 oz can diced tomatoes w/green chilis
• 1/4 cup chopped onion
• 1-2 tbsp diced jalapeños
• 1/2 tsp garlic salt
• 1/2 tsp cumin
• 1/4 tsp sugar
• Fresh chopped cilantro

You can dictate the spiciness of your salsa with the amount of jalapeños you include. Add all the ingredients into a blender or food processor. Blend to desired consistency. Makes about 5 cups.

How Firm a Foundation

The tile in our entryway has been cracked since not long after we moved in. This was actually the primary catalyst for wanting to install new flooring, but we didn't get around to the entryway when we did the kitchen back in November. We did pull up some of the pieces of broken tile and found that the crack was also in the cement below.

We called our Community Association to have "Maintenance Mike" (as Kristen has dubbed him) come take a look at the crack since the structure of our house is supposedly covered through our HOA fees. His "expert" analysis was that since the crack was inside our house, it was an inside issue, thus not covered by them.

Hoping to finish our floor installation this past weekend, we pulled up the rest of the tile and discovered that the crack was quite a bit bigger than we thought. We also pulled up the corner of the carpet to confirm that this giant crack does, in fact, stretch all the way across the front of our house. Not wanting to simply cover up the problem (after all, we don't work for Holmes Homes), we decided we had better have it looked at again to make sure that the front wall of our house wasn't about to fall off. So, instead of finishing the floor, we spent the weekend joking about our house being condemned.

Today, Kristen once again called in the experts (aka "Maintenance Mike") to take another look at our problem. He came and spent a good 30-45 minutes explaining all sorts of things about foundations and footers (and retrieving a roll of toilet paper that Eddie kept chucking at him). Apparently the crack is just a gap between our footers (which are holding up our walls) and the concrete slab.

His theory is that when our house was built during the winter four years ago, the builder poured the footers, then poured the slab, which contracted in the cold weather and left a gap between the two pieces of concrete. A responsible builder would have filled in the gap before slapping a house on top of it (but this is Holmes Homes we're talking about).

There is no evidence that the crack has shifted or spread since it formed, which means that it was there before the flooring was laid down in the first place. We just need to fill in the crack and level the floor. But just in case you happen to stop by and find our house has been swallowed up by the earth, at least you will know why.