Best Quotes of 2010, Pt. 1

To wrap up 2010, I have collected some of the most memorable lines from our favorite posts, which forms a narrative of our year.

January

I would be dumb not to leave my diet plans in the hands of the restaurant that created "Fourthmeal" (that's the meal between dinner and breakfast) and offers tantalizing menu items like the Beefy 5-Layer Burrito. The Drive-Thru Diet // 1.07.10

If the [A-Team] movie doesn't feature countless rounds of ammunition being fired without anyone actually getting shot, or at least one scene where the bad guys roll their car half a dozen times only to climb out totally unscathed, I will be very disappointed. 2010 Coming Attractions // 1.19.10

When I started the odyssey that is Junior High, I was in for a few surprises. One being that I was now being forced to shower after gym class, but another was soda machines at school... and they were stocked with Crystal Pepsi! Catching Some Waves // 1.22.10

February

Time to celebrate, C-3PO. Your "realistic metalized body" is free from its plastic prison. Free C-3PO // 2.04.10

Since my Dad seemingly only liked the Beach Boys, and the edgiest thing in my Mom's record collection was the Ray Conniff Singers, some of the Piano Man's saltier lyrical passages like "the microphone smells like a beer" were met with parental opposition. Albums I Grew Up On: Road Trippin' // 2.11.10

Q: Is there really a difference between pairs figure skating and ice dancing? A: Pairs figure skating involves more pumping up the jam. Olympic Answers // 2.28.10

March

Memo to owners of old timey theaters still in use—please only show cool movies. My work is unavoidably sullied when tripe like "Tooth Fairy" is emblazoned on the marquee. Friendly Fillmore // 3.07.10

A woman gets a little crazy where her maternal instincts are concerned. Just ask Dave. Krissy's Life in Film, Pt. 1 // 3.15.10

Since this isn't officially licensed merchandise, the trick has been to make them sexy, but not so sexy that we infringe copyright. Sexy Vampire Candles // 3.17.10


April

This spinning whatchamacallit appears to be a close relative of last year's infamous leg swinging thingamajig. Spin City // 4.11.10

Today I am taking a look at two diametrically opposing albums from my past which represent a conflict as old as the dawn of man. Brawn vs. brains. Jock vs. nerd. Cool hair vs. big glasses. Actually, forget I mentioned hair. Albums I Grew Up On: Butt Rock vs. Geek Rock // 4.15.10

Who wouldn't want a life of excitement and adventure, outsmarting genetically engineered dinosaurs in an amusement park gone wrong? Krissy's Life in Film, Pt. 2 // 4.25.10

May

It's never good to be the fifth man stuffed into a two man truck cab, especially when the other four are Tongans. Ten Things... I Learned From Bailey's Moving & Storage // 5.07.10

What better way to conclude this series than with Mini Elvis cutting in on a Stormtrooper's would be street corner photo-ops? What Happened in Vegas, Pt. 2 // 5.25.10

Yes, unfortunately [Pizzeria 712] is in Orem. But since readers of a Utah County newspaper once voted Panda Express best Chinese food in the valley, perhaps they need to experience a higher standard of dining. We Heart More Pizza // 5.26.10

June

I remember endlessly extolling the virtues of Hootie to my seemingly oblivious classmates in 9th grade geometry. Albums I Grew Up On: '90s Jangle Pop // 6.07.10

McFly knocks Biff out cold in the past, thus rendering him a fruity, track suit-wearing auto detailer in the present. The One-Dimensional Movie Villain Hall of Fame // 6.14.10


With the help of peeonastick.com, I learned that the faintness of the line is not important as long as the color matches. A Tasty Morsel // 6.16.10

Home for the Holidays

With Kristen being within a month of her due date, we decided to play it safe and stay home for Christmas this year.

During the afternoon on Christmas Eve we went to the Living Planet Aquarium. When we told Eddie we were going to see some fishes, he asked if "Brucie" (the shark from Finding Nemo) would be there. We gave a noncommittal "we'll see," but were pleasantly surprised to find that there actually was a large model of Brucie hanging from the gift shop ceiling. Eddie was alternately terrified and mesmerized. He also enjoyed seahorses, the penguins, and a sea turtle he called "Dude" upon first glance.

While we missed spending time with family, it was nice for the three of us to share a quiet Christmas at home. We even pulled out the china and crystal for a delicious feast of roast beef, cheesy potatoes, garlic knots, and veggies. After dinner we had a modest Christmas Eve program before shipping Eddie off to bed so we could do the Santa Claus thing.

Kristen and I purchased a new TV and entertainment center over Thanksgiving weekend, so that was our gift to each other. But other presents from family included a panini press for me and a Nook electronic reader for Kristen.

We gave Eddie a new toy box as well a little card table and chairs for his room. We also got him a Sheriff Woody doll (which has gone to bed with him pretty much every night since). His grandparents and extended family made sure he got every other stitch of Toy Story merchandise available on store shelves this season.

I captured a good portion of Christmas morning on the video camera which I then cut together into this short video. It includes Eddie's rendition of "You've Got A Friend In Me," as well as something every parent has to deal with when the wrapping paper comes off. Enjoy!

Merry Christmas

Last Minute Gift Ideas

As per blog tradition the last few years, I humbly submit some last minute gift suggestions for our family.

For Dave: SmashBurger Gift Card(s)

With your help we'll be eating at SmashBurger 'til the cows come home. Which they won't. Because they'll be getting made into smashburgers.

For Kristen: A New Pair of "Potato Sacks"

When she was pregnant with Eddie, Kristen innocently bought a pair of pajama pants. The drawstring waist has a fringe-like edge that resembles a potato sack, inspiring me to give them this nickname. They are very baggy, and when she's not pregnant she could probably fit inside one leg.

Long story short, she needs an extra pair because none of her other pajama pants currently fit. So, when her potato sacks are in the wash, she is forced to wear my warmup pants instead (which she has dubbed "jazz pants" because of the shiny material they are made out of). Are we the only couple that gives each others' pants nicknames?

Alternate: The Cat Who...Cookbook

For Eddie: Pickle Things by Marc Brown

One of the few things Eddie will consistently eat are pickles (just take a look at the sandwich he had at Leger's Deli last week). Well, there just so happens to be an obscure book from my childhood called Pickle Things that effortlessly weaves rhymes like "pickle things you never see, like pickles on a Christmas Tree," and so forth. My parents' copy now resides at the family cabin, so we only get to enjoy its briney goodness a few times a year. It is long since out of print, but can be found on eBay for exorbitant prices.

Alternate: A trip to the ocean to swim with dolphins.

"You never hear a pickle talk. You never see a pickle walk."

The Happy Elf

I asked Eddie to smile for a picture so we could make an elf video, and well, you'll see what I got. It's true to life, that's all I can say.

O Rainy Night

We spent a rainy Thursday night making our annual pilgrimage downtown to see the Temple Square lights. Luckily the moisture we received was fairly light, and as an added bonus it created some interesting reflections.

A friendly passerby kindly offered to take a photo of the three of us. Of course it was at this moment that Eddie decided to freak out and show off his headless horseman impression.

Sure, Eddie liked the lights, but his favorite part of the excursion was the water features. He really, really wanted to touch it, get in it, you name it, but his stick in the mud parents are kind of opposed to hypothermia.

Kristen grumbled something under her breath about Eddie falling in while Daddy was busy taking pictures. "But what a memorable picture it would be!" I said, dodging an icy look.

Digesting Inception

I have to marvel at director Christopher Nolan's phenomenal 6-year run of Batman Begins, The Prestige, The Dark Knight, and now Inception. Try as I might, I can't imagine what a bad movie by Nolan might look like. Balancing impeccable artistic vision with an apparent lack of ego, his rise has been as meteoric as M. Night Shyamalan's fall.

In getting an anxiously-awaited chance to revisit Inception on Blu-ray this week, I wanted to take this opportunity to look back at my unexpected reaction to one of the film's most famous scenes when we saw it theatrically last summer—the rotating hallway fight.

With all the precision of a fine Swiss wristwatch, the parameters of the story have been copiously laid in place. Then this gravity-bending sequence kicks off the film's main setpiece, and you witness how one dream layer can really mess with the physics of the next layer.

Watch Clip

It also happened to be at this very moment in the theater when the chicken and waffle dinner I downed just before showtime started rotating in my intestines, and I had a sudden, forceful urge to have a bowel movement.

As the urge persisted I started to panic. I was completed and utterly invested in this cinematic jigsaw puzzle. How could I possibly get up and go to the bathroom? If I left now, even for a few brief minutes, I would no doubt be totally lost upon my return. I squirmed in my seat. I clenched the armrests. Beads of sweat formed on my brow. But I fought through it and the urge subsided.

You are probably now wondering why on earth I would share this with you. Well, because this rather, ahem, personal experience rather effectively sums up my feelings about the movie as a whole. Inception—so awesome, I nearly pooped my pants.

Ten Things...

...I Have Learned Through a Life of Consumerism

10. Books have stayed the same for hundreds of years. Electronic readers will be different by next week.

9. I know when it's real, and Wendy's isn't it.

8. Nobody ever really asks before declaring something to be "America's favorite."

7. It's totally worth it to add another item on your order to qualify for free shipping—even if said item costs three times the standard shipping rates.

6. Every movie franchise that stalled after one sequel will be revived to take advantage of the current 3D fad (i.e. Men In Black 3D, xXx 3D).

5. There will always be another "One Day Only!" clearance sale at JCPenney.

4. You can put a price on anything (i.e. Charlie Brown's Christmas tree, a symbol decrying the over-commercialization of the season, can be purchased at Hobby Lobby for $19.95).

3. Something can't be "world famous" if you've never heard of it. (i.e. the world famous Pillow Talk Motel in Wellington, UT).

2. Comcast, DirecTV, and Dish Network all have more HD channels than each other. Read the fine print to find out how.

1. Never shop at Walmart on a Saturday.