Living in a Fantasy World

I recently finished up my third year participating in a fantasy basketball league. I run the Park City Sundancers as part of the WFBL, which was started by a friend of mine, Ben Barnes. We both graduated from USU in graphic design, and were coworkers at USU Extension Marketing for a while.

Now I must say, the WFBL is no ordinary fantasy league. Over the last few years, it has gradually gotten bigger and better, expanding from 4 teams to 12, and encorporating a companion blog that features satirical recaps of our games (studious readers may have noticed the WFBL link regularly at the top of our blog list over the last several months). Ben is the blog administrator, while me and his brother Ted (an editor for the church) share writing duties with him.

After finishing 6th out of 10 and 7th out of 12 in my first two seasons, this year I was finally able to put together a competitive team, posting the best regular season record. Unfortunately, I came up just short in the finals to Ben's defending champ Zermatt Abominables.

We also like to hand out end of the season awards (yes, we realize we are nerds), which brings me to the purpose of this post. Most of the awards are game-related like "Best Draft Pick" and "Most One-Sided Trade." But then we also like to review what we have written and pick the "Article of the Year." Well, this season, the article I wrote after winning the conference finals was selected for this honor, so I wanted to share it here. Partial credit must certainly go to Pat Morita, Ralph Macchio, Martin Kove, and all others responsible for making The Karate Kid, which served as my obvious inspiration.




The two Wasatch finalists, the Park City Sundancers and Twin Falls Gators, treat the crowd to a thrilling montage of high flying dunks, long range shots, blocks, and boards set to Joe Esposito's "You're the Best Around."


Twin Falls holds the early 6-3 lead, but Park City superstar Dwyane Wade has yet to play. He is expected to make his anticipated first appearance tonight. As the team heads towards the tunnel, Gators assistant coach and Mamba Kai Sensei John Kreese pulls small forward Al Thornton aside.

Kreese: Al, I want Wade out of commission

Thornton: But Sensei, we can beat these guys!

Kreese: I don't want them just beaten.

Thornton: But I'll get thrown out!

Kreese: Out of commission.

Kreese trains his iron eyes on Thornton. He cannot endure their searing heat. His head drops as Kreese bends him to his will. Thornton tentatively walks over to the Park City bench, jumps high in the air, and lands a flying sidekick to Wade's right hip.

Thornton: I'm sorry, Dwyane! I didn't mean it!

Wade crumples to the floor as Thornton is dragged away amid a shower of boos. The Gators have their way with the Sundancers in the absence of the EBP runner-up.


A dejected Dwyane Wade, accompanied by team trainer Kesuke "Mr." Miyagi, lies on the trainers' table, resigned to missing his second straight game after not missing a game all year.

Wade: Mr. Miyagi... you think we had a chance of winning?

Mr. Miyagi: Aye, had good chance.

Wade: Can't you fix my hip with that thing you do? You know, with the clapping and the rubbing, and the hey hey hey, my hip feels better?

Mr. Miyagi: No need play anymore. You prove point.

Wade: What, that I can take a beating? Every time I see the Gators, they'll know they got the best of me. How will I ever have balance in my life? I mean, aside from having more money than I could ever spend and being idolized by millions.


Mr. Miyagi: Close eye.

Miyagi's hands come together, punctuated by a dramatic music note.


Wade emerges from locker room as the crowd goes wild.

Announcer: Dwyane Wade is gonna play? Dwyane Wade is gonna play! This is what it's all about, folks!


With their star player once again on the court to galvanize the team, Park City has cut into the Gators once insurmountable lead, now only trailing 5-4. As the Gators call a timeout to regroup, Mamba Kai Sensei John Kreese motions for his star pupil, Kobe Bryant.

Kreese: Pummel the hip... you have a problem with that?

Kobe: (scared) No, Sensei.

Kreese: No mercy.

As play resumes, Kobe cheap shots Wade several times in his bruised right hip, but the referees are distracted by Tim Duncan flailing around after getting slightly nudged by Chris Bosh, so no foul is called. Wade limps to the bench, but after a timeout, returns to the floor wearing a traditional Karate Gi. As the Gators dribble up the court with the clock running down, Wade slowly assumes the crane position under the basket by standing on one leg and lifting both arms high into the air. Kobe calls for the ball.

Announcer: 30 seconds remaining...

Rondo: It's over, guys! Get them a body bag, yyyeeeah!!!

Kreese: Finish them!

Kobe hears the call of his sensei and drives to the hoop. As he releases the ball, Wade leaps high in the air and blocks the shot. Frustrated, Kobe gets his own rebound and shoots it a second time. And once again, Wade leaps and bats the ball away. Time expires. Kobe stares at the scorer's table in disbelief as he sees that Wade's last two blocked shots are the difference Park City needed to win the blocks category 11-10, and thusly the series, 5-4. The Sundancer crowd storms the court in a wild rush of celebration. A tearful Kobe grabs the Wasatch Concludings trophy and personally hands it to the Sundancer hero.

Kobe: You're all right, Wade.

1 comment:

Krissy said...

Oh man... you guys are nerds. I did really like the Daniel-san Dwayne Wade pic, though.