Candidates You Can Believe In

I don't know about the rest of you, but I am ready for the presidential elections to be over. The hollow rhetoric, the manufactured scandals, the constant media coverage—it's all too much for me. Honestly, how can a person use so many words without actually saying anything? Sometimes I wish politics were as simple as they are in the movies. In fact, I can think of a few movie presidents that I would rather have running our country than our current candidates. And since we here at the Dave & Kristen Show believe in democracy, you all get a chance to cast your vote.

Republican Party
James Marshall (Harrison Ford, Air Force One)



A decorated Vietnam Vet, Marshall would be happy to arrange a meeting with the terrorists of the world so he could teach them some manners—with his fists.

Campaign Slogan: Get off my plane!

Democratic Party
James Dale (Jack Nicholson, Mars Attacks!)



With Dale as our Commander and Chief, the America people can rest assured that any and all conflicts will quickly come out to very real outcomes.

Campaign Slogan: I want the people to know that they still have two out of three branches of the government working for them, and that ain't bad.

Independent Party
Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman, Independence Day)



Whitmore might have a knack for impassioned speeches, but this former pilot also wouldn't think twice about hopping in fighter jet to help whoop E.T.'s a**.

Campaign Slogan: Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!