1.16.2008

Rambo vs. Commando

While Sylvester Stallone is revisiting his glory days yet again with a new Rambo movie, I couldn't help but wonder why Arnold Schwarzenegger never felt the need to revisit his crowning achievement Commando (If you have never seen Commando, just turn on AMC, chances are it's on). Then I realized the perfect vehicle for Arnold to bring back John Matrix. Creatively bankrupt studios have churned out Freddy vs. Jason and Alien vs. Predator team-ups, so I say the time has come for Rambo vs. Commando.

The plot would be simple: Rambo's Daughter/Mother/Significant Other would be kidnapped and it would be made to look like Matrix did it, and vice versa. They would then procede to go after each other for the first hour of the movie, blowing many things up and killing many innocent bystanders along the way. Of course, eventually Rambo and Matrix will discover that the true kidnapper is really an evil genius (played by ultimate bad guy Rufus Sewell) who has been pitting the two against each other so they would not get in the way of his world domination plans.

Naturally, Rambo and Matrix don't take too kindly to being played for fools, so they decide to team up for the final half hour. After the obligatory 10 minute "arming up" scene where they strap their bodies with every manner of armament known to man, they lay siege to the compound of said evil genius, stabbing, shooting, and exploding their way through an army of extras. Finally, they dispatch poor Mr. Sewell in over-the-top fashion, punctuated by an incomprehensible pun that one starts and the other finishes.

The body counts for these movies are always up in the high 70's or low 80's, but with a team-up, we are talking 150 casualties minimum. I'm pretty sure Sly would be all for it, I just need to get Arnold on the phone...

4 comments:

ScottBoomer said...

I would pay good money to see this movie. Oh and don't you anything better to do at work?

Dave said...

Actually I have been pretty busy lately. I worked on this during my lunch break.

Team Ritz said...

I remember the night the two of you introduced Steve and I to the wonders of Commando...we'll never be the same...

Krissy said...

While Commando is a great movie (and by great, I mean ridiculous), I think I might be a little more careful about letting our kids watch it than my parents were when we were kids...

However, it is good for a laugh.