One-Dimensional Movie Villains: Third Class

Previous Inductees:
First Class
Second Class

Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Various)
The James Bond Series

Profile: Also known as "Number One" in the villainous SPECTRE organization, Blofeld's disdain for British secret agent James Bond can only be rivaled by his aversion to jacket lapels. He also has no love for continuity, appearing in six Bond films with a variety of looks, including black hair without a face, gray hair with a face, bald with a facial scar, and bald with no scar or earlobes. In his attempts to achieve the age-old dream of world domination, Blofeld has swiped nuclear warheads, wielded diamond-powered space lasers, and subliminally brainwashed beautiful women to love chickens. Yet these elaborate plots are undone time and time again by his penchant for monologuing.

Comeuppance: After a court-mandated four film absence, a wheelchair-bound Blofeld briefly reappears to trap Bond in a remote-controlled helicopter, only to cackle so interminably that Bond has time to take control of said helicopter, pick up Blofeld's wheelchair with one of its landing skids, and drop him down a chimney stack.
"If I were to break the news to anyone it would be to you first, Mr. Bond, you know that."

Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald)
Happy Gilmore

Profile: Start with a shot of arrogance, add a squeeze of bitterness over having never won the PGA tour championship, and shake it over the resentment directed towards the popularity of hockey player turned golfer Happy Gilmore. What you end up with is a spiteful cocktail of a man known as Shooter McGavin, a would-be golfing legend who will stop at nothing to get Gilmore kicked off the PGA tour. The most successful of these attempts involves hiring a mentally unstable fan to heckle Gilmore, and later, run him over with a VW Bug. Yet the self-absorbed Shooter won't even return the favor by sharing a nice seafood dinner with the fan.

Comeuppance: When Gilmore beats the odds to win the tour championship, Shooter momentarily makes off with the honorary gold jacket, but is quickly chased down by an angry mob and pummeled by Gilmore's gargantuan former boss, Mr. Larson.
"Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard."

1 comment:

Dave said...

One more thing—Shooter is also rumored to have some questionable breakfast habits.