12.16.2009

His & Hers Holiday Grievances

Dave: Son of a Nutcracker

Surely poor Tchaikovsky had no idea when he penned his famous Nutcracker ballet that it would one day be exploited for every monetary purpose imaginable. If he only knew that every year some zany "family" holiday comedy would hijack the bustling "Trepak" to underscore the slapstick pratfalls and reindeer flatulence gags in its trailers and TV spots. And what would he think about the plethora of car commercials that feature a giant SUV blasting through a mountain of snow accompanied by "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy?"

Krissy: Santa Baby

Every time I hear "Santa Baby," it makes me want to shove three dozen candy canes into my ears. It doesn't matter if it's being sung by Eartha Kitt, Madonna, or Miss Piggy—every version of this song is an atrocity to humanity. Santa Claus is an innocent, lovable character whose sole purpose is to bring joy to children, not some ho ho ho cooing for him to "hurry down the chimney." I guess I prefer a younger, less hairy, not quite "bowl-full-of-jelly" kind of man, because I cannot fathom why anyone would want to seduce Santa Claus.

Dave: Tacky Christmas Decor

When Christmas lights are well placed, they can look classy. But when you only lace one sorry strand through your giant oak tree, the resulting jumble of zig-zagging lights just looks sad. Not to worry though, most people probably won't even notice the trees because they are too busy gawking at the seven foot inflatable scene of Santa and his elves flying a helicopter that resides on the front lawn. On a related note, for all the outrageous, overdone, and just plain bad holiday decorations you can handle, check out uglychristmaslights.com.

4 comments:

Dave said...

Was that tumbleweed that just blew by?

Krissy said...

*chirp*chirp*

Those were crickets, in case you didn't get that.

Amanda and Justin said...

I totally agree with you both! Especially the inflatable things, I hate them. If you are going to decorate then do it right!

Christie said...

I'm just worried that my one strand of snowflake lights in the window is lame..