Proposed Lagoon Taglines

Lagoon has been using the same tagline ("It's what fun is!") for far too long. I humbly submit a collection of attraction-specific slogans that will have the crowds running. Notice I didn't say which way.

The Terroride: Newly refurbished! In 1976.

Lagoon-A-Beach: Offering a different kind of bounceback.

Bulgy the Whale: It's not just a ride, it's a way of life. Especially for our creepy, middle-aged ride operators.

The Pond (by the Tidal Wave and Turn of the Century): Featuring the original pond scum from when we first opened in 1886.

Lagoon-A-Beach: Where wedgies happen.

Pioneer Village: This is the place… to get a groan-inducing old timey portrait.

The Wild Kingdom Train: Offering the least life-like live animals around!

The Bat: We raised your park rates to build this!

Lagoon-A-Beach: The only thing more raging than our waters are the teenage hormones.

The Wild Mouse: The most painful 90 seconds you will ever endure outside of giving birth or passing a kidney stone.

The White Rollercoaster: Yes, it's still standing!


ScottBoomer said...

Dave I don't know exactly how to tell you this but the mural for the Terror Ride has been removed from the ride. I'm sorry to have to tell you this. If it makes you feel any better though it's now located safely in one the offices where it can now rest in peace.

Dave said...

What?! They took down the mural? Blasphemy! Now where can I go to see an ape take on a dragon while an octopus and mummified skeleton look on? (Oh wait, it's right here on my blog now. Nevermind.)

If they are going to mess with the haunted rides, they should get rid of the Rodney Dangerfield owl in front of Dracula's Castle.

ScottBoomer said...

I have some good news and bad news for you.
The good news is the owl at Dracula's Castle no longer impersonates Rodney Dangerfield.
The Bad news is the owl is still there he now just has a bad Eastern European Accent.
More bad news for you though, they replaced that wonderful mural at the Terror Ride with a talking vulture similar to the owl at Dracula's Castle, complete with bad accent and bad jokes.

Dave said...

I'm beginning to think that Lagoon doesn't really know what fun is at all.