Yard Sale!

Kristen and I participated in our first ever yard sale on Saturday. The following narrative is loosely based on the experience, although I should note that several shoppers were combined into one composite character, and some liberties were taken for dramatic license. Because c'mon, who really carries around a 30 gallon compost bag?

Seller: Good morning.

Shopper: Mornin'. These DVDs are $4 each?

Seller: That's right.

Shopper: Well, a yard sale down the street was selling old Disney movies on VHS for 50 cents.

Seller: Holy crab cakes, that's outrageous.

Shopper: Will you price match?

Seller: Of course not.

Shopper: Very well. How much are these baby clothes?

Seller: $2 for shirts and pants, $3 for complete outfits.

Shopper: That's a little steep. How about I give you $5 and I get to stuff as many clothes as I can into this 30 gallon compost bag?

Seller: We would let you do that for $6.

Shopper: Hmmm, nevermind. So you really think you can get $10 for this rice cooker?

Seller: It seemed like a reasonable price for a perfectly functioning appliance.

Shopper: Well, a yard sale down the street was selling a rice cooker new in the box for $5.

Seller: Did you buy it? By the way, that yard sale down the street sounds amazing.

Shopper: I'm afraid I didn't.

Seller: So you're saying you want this one for $5?

Shopper: Yes, but only as a personal favor to you. Can you break a fifty?

Seller: (Sigh) Look, just take the darn rice cooker.

Shopper: Wow, thanks. You know, that yard sale down the street's got nothing' on you. Hey, can I take this Planet of the Apes DVD too? I just love that Mark Wahlberg.

Seller: I really don't care. All of this crap is going to the D.I. in a few hours anyway.


Cheeseboy said...

Ha ha! Holy crap this post is funny.

Dave said...

The superlative of choice for this post was "holy crab cakes," but thank you for the kind words anyway.

Jessica said...

people will never cease to amaze... Thanks for sharing