Training: Gym Grievances

For the most part, training for a triathlon has been a very positive experience for us. Of course, Dave and I have also witnessed an unpleasant side of frequenting a community gym.

Meanderers

Kristen: The track at the Daybreak Community Center goes around the cardio machines. And there is no way to get to the weights without crossing the track, either. This wouldn't be a problem if people would walk with a bit of purpose when crossing. Instead, they seem to saunter across as slowly as possible, paying no attention to passersby. This also applies to the slower folks using the track who don't stay to the inside lane. Instead, just as I am about to run past them, they drift across the line and get in my way. I'm considering plowing into anyone in my path just to prove a point.

Dave: I haven't noticed this being nearly as much of an issue when I go to the gym. However, one time there was a guy sprawled out across the track doing crunches on an exercise ball, and I thought of you.

Loud Noises

Kristen: If you sound like some kind of wild animal while lifting weights, please lift in the privacy of your own home.

Dave: When I'm exercising, the grunters must be drowned out by the chatty gal pals on the treadmills. On a recent trip I forgot my iPod, so I got to hear every bit of two ladies' very loud conversation—even from the farthest side of the gym. They ran the gamut, from faith-promoting stories to near-death experiences, with a teen pregnancy thrown in for good measure.


Who Controls the Remote?

Kristen: I don't know who would ever watch women's professional wrestling, but someone who goes to the gym in the evenings seems to enjoy it. But since no one knows who (if anyone) is actually watching it, no one dares change the channel.

Dave: Well, if you did try to change the channel, you might have gotten whacked with a folding chair, then taken down by a piledriver. So good call just leaving it.

Bodily Fluids

Kristen: There is nothing worse than having to dodge people's spit while making your way around the track. Sure, vigorous exercise can produce some phlegm. But that's what restrooms and garbage cans are for.

Dave: I'm more grossed out by the poor folks whose clothes are so drenched in sweat that a miniature Great Salt Lake has starting to form under their exercise machine. I'm not a big sweater, so I guess I don't have much empathy for their "condition."

Inappropriate Clothing

Kristen: I definitely understand the need to wear comfortable clothes while working out. But if your shorts are short enough that 10 minutes on an elliptical turns them into a thong, you should buy longer shorts. Also, the only time men should wear shorts that are shorter than mid-thigh is if they also happen to be Daniel Craig.

Dave: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that Daniel Craig would be granted immunity by Kristen in any of the aforementioned workout scenarios.

(Skyfall 2012!)